7. Use positive language. No one wants to be insulted or called negative or hear all the bad things they have done in the past. If you speak negatively, you will hurt the person and silence them. If you can bring positivity to what you`re trying to say, you`re much more likely to be heard and the disagreement can be resolved faster and easier. In every relationship, whether personal or professional, there will always be disagreements. You will never find an environment where people always agree and understand each other. This is fantasy, not reality. 5. Take responsibility for your own feelings. Especially in the case of heated disagreements, it`s easy to make accusations, blame, and make excuses. To achieve this, you must be honest with yourself and take full responsibility for your own feelings and interpretations that may have contributed to the breakup.
The main points of contention were the root causes. Here are seven very simple but effective ways I`ve learned over the years to productively manage disagreements. When ideas are contradictory, there are differences of opinion. If you want to go to an action movie, but your friend wants to go to a romantic comedy, that`s a disagreement. Statements, opinions and claims may also vary. When I say that my grandmother was a sweet woman, and you say that she was a terrible person, it is a disagreement. If the IRS finds a disagreement between your taxes and your actual income, you could get into trouble. Unfortunately, many of us avoid disagreement altogether or lose it if things don`t go our way. These 5 tips can help keep disagreements constructive – whether you`re talking to a relative, friend, or someone else: 3.
Look for similarities, not differences. Working with my clients, I have found that the best way to resolve a disagreement is to look for similarities. Focusing on the differences will make the space wider, but finding out what you have in common helps bridge the gap. The next time you find yourself disagreeing, look for a point of agreement, even if you need to stretch. But here too, the disagreement is much smaller than we suppose. He seemed to think that you both had some sort of argument — or disagreement, you know. Were there apparently signs of disagreement between them? Validate the point of origin After getting permission, articulate the other person`s point of view. What is the idea, opinion or suggestion that you disagree with? Saying it clearly, perhaps even better than your counterpart, lays a solid foundation for discussion. « You want your counterpart to say, `She understands.` You don`t want to get into an argument about whether you understand their point of view, » Weeks says. 6. Get involved.
In times of intense disagreement, it is not uncommon for one or both parties to have one foot in front of the door. If you really want to get to the heart of the matter, make sure the other person understands your commitment to the relationship. Even if you have a problem with the behavior, you need to keep it separate. If there had been a disagreement, it immediately disappeared with this misfortune. Identify a common goal Before you share your thoughts, think about what`s important to the powerful person — it can be « the credibility of their team or getting a project done on time, » Grenny says. You are more likely to be heard if you can link your disagreement to a « higher purpose. » When you speak, don`t assume the connection is clear. You need to formulate it openly and contextualize your statements so that you are not seen as an unpleasant subordinate, but as a colleague trying to advance a common goal. The discussion will then look « more like a game of chess than a boxing match, » Weeks explains. Asking permission to disagree This decision may seem too respectful, but according to Grenny, it`s a smart way to give the powerful person « psychological security » and control. You can say something like, « I know we`re looking to be heading for a commitment for the first quarter here. I have reason to believe that it will not work. I would like to make my point.
Would that be okay? « It gives the person a choice, » « so they can sign up verbally, » Grenny says. And provided they say yes, you`ll feel more confident to express your disagreement. Bill growled that he did not agree with the diagnosis and fell into silence. Hermione remembered this and realized that his silence had been caused by his disagreement. But as seeking that she would, she missed the real question of disagreement. 2. Look beyond your own triggers. Many disagreements arise from the fact that someone is triggered by something that has been said. What is triggered is usually fear and awareness of one`s own limitations.
Whatever happened in your past, you need to find a way to overcome your triggers and see that you`re in a new situation with someone who doesn`t mean you`re hurting. Decide if you want to wait After this risk assessment, you can decide that it is better not to express your opinion. Maybe « you haven`t thought about the problem yet, the whole discussion has surprised you, or you want to have a clearer idea of what the group thinks, » Weeks says. « If you think other people won`t agree, you may want to join your army first. People can bring experiences or information to your thinking – all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid. « It`s also a good idea to delay the conversation if you`re in a meeting or other public space. If you discuss the topic in private, the powerful person will feel less threatened. Mike decided to share his opinion, highlighting his commitment to the company and making sure his body language wasn`t « unsafe or shy at all. » His boss was shocked at first; Mike had a reputation for being reserved, so open disagreements were « atypical » for him.
But his boss could see that « I was taking care of the company, our leaders and our employees, » says Mike. « I didn`t have a personal agenda. » As a leadership coach, I spend a lot of time working with my clients and helping them deal with communication breakdowns – and really, a lot of disagreements come down to a breakdown in communication. A disagreement is a type of conflict, whether between people or ideas. Of course not! Yes! That is an argument. If your opinion contradicts the facts, there is disagreement. Don`t judge When you express your concerns, pay close attention to your language. Grenny says avoid all « judgmental words » such as « short-sighted, » « stupid, » or « premature » that might scare your counterpart; One of his tips is to omit all adjectives because « they have the potential to be misinterpreted or taken personally. » Share only facts. For example, instead of saying, « I think the deadline for the first quarter is naïve, » you can say, « We`ve tried four projects like this in the past, and we`ve been able to do two in a similar period of time, but these were special circumstances. » Weeks also recommends staying neutral and focused: « Put the players down and be sharp about the problem. Try to make it an honest disagreement, a valid thought advance. « 1. Try to understand.
People tend to disagree when they don`t understand each other. When a party is so busy being heard and doesn`t spend time trying to understand, the disagreement is just around the corner. When you understand that most of us are more alike than we are different, you can begin to tolerate and accept – even appreciate – a different point of view. So first try to understand and appreciate. This does not mean that you have to agree, but simply that you are open to listening to them. 4. Listen. In case of disagreement, it is important that both parties are heard. And that means it`s important to be a good listener – curious, open-minded and non-judgmental. .